


That's What You Get for Waking Up in Vegas

by WakeUpDreaming



Category: Scorpion (TV 2014)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Con Artists, F/M, Gambling, Glitter, Glittery sex, Poker, Strippers, Vegas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8204015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WakeUpDreaming/pseuds/WakeUpDreaming
Summary: Happy and Toby wake up on a Vegas Sunday morning covered in glitter and smelling like alcohol. A lot happened that weekend. A lot.





	1. Sunday - 0800

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lattelibrapunk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lattelibrapunk/gifts).



> This is for my darling Tara, whose birthday is on premiere day! No matter what, she's always got my back, and she's always unbelievably supportive and kind. Thank you for all you do, darling!

Happy wakes up with a bit of a headache and a blurred memory of the night before. It’ll come back within five minutes of waking up – it always does – but right now she’s a little lost. When she brings her hand up to push her hair out of her face, something snags on a curl.

“What the?” She untangles herself, wrapped in her jacket, a pair of sweatpants with VEGAS written along the right leg, and a tank top she doesn’t remember buying. And then she gets a look at her finger. She wears jewelry. A lot of jewelry.

But she’s never in her life worn a Harvard class ring.

“What the fuck?” she says. She rolls over. There’s a rather skinny guy wearing a tie-dye crop top and a pair of Mickey Mouse boxers in the bed next to her. “What the fuck?”

“Hmm?” he mumbles, shifting under the blankets. “Amy?” He opens his eyes and gets a good look at Happy. “Holy shit on a donkey. You’re not Amy.”

She shakes her head. “I am not.” His name echoes in her head when she gets a good look at the humor behind those hazel eyes. “Toby.”

He nods, sitting up. He’s just as cute and scruffy as he’d been the whole weekend before the alcohol, attractive in a way Happy’d never liked before this weekend. “And you’re Happy. And I only made fun of your name twice last night.”

“Better than on Friday night,” Happy mutters.

Toby’s laugh is a little rough, sleepy. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He runs his hand through his hair. “You seen my hat?”

Happy raises an eyebrow. “You don’t – Toby, you gave it to one of the strippers as a thank you for the lap dance she gave us.”

He flops back onto the pillows. “My poor hat. Do you think it’s alright, all by itself?”

“It’ll manage,” Happy says. “Not sure how that crop top is feeling, though.”

Toby looks down and yanks at it. “Oh I paid twelve dollars for this. I can’t believe I did that.”

“Remember what else we did?” Happy asks, because she doesn’t want to be the one to say it.

Toby winces, rubbing his temples. “Oh, god, my head,” he mumbles. “And – Happy, your hair.”

“What about it?”

“Glitter,” Toby says. He looks around the room. “It’s everywhere. Look.”

When Happy turns back to the pillows, there’s bright purple glitter all over the place, almost like a halo where her head would have been. “Somehow that’s not the most confusing thing that’s happened since I woke up.” She holds up her hand. “Got any idea how this got here?”

She watches as his eyes go from her eyes to her finger. And he simply blinks.

“Oh, shit.”

Happy nods. “Yeah.”

“Oh, shit,” Toby repeats. “We got married.”

Happy nods slowly. “We,” she mutters, “got married.”


	2. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.

FRIDAY - 1500

Happy walks into the casino, feeling incredibly weird about this whole thing.

“Paige,” she says out of the corner of her mouth, “Paige, why the hell are we here?”

“Megan planned my bachelorette party,” Paige says, putting her hands up in front of her. “I had no part in this.”

“Stop whining, you nerds,” Megan says. On her braces, she’s not the steadiest, but she’s got the brightest smile on her face that Happy’s ever seen. “Nobody was taking my brother’s fiancée to a good bachelorette party the night of the wedding.” She points to Paige. “You have to do the crazy party for a full weekend the week before the wedding so you have five days to recover. That’s how you do a bachelorette party.”

“If we agree, will you stop talking?” Paige asks, laughing.

Megan nods. “Let’s go make some mistakes and lose some money.”

“Who’s losing?” Happy asks, adjusting the duffle bag on her shoulder. “I’m too goddamn smart to lose. I could double what I have in my pocket in thirty seconds just by card counting.”

Megan groans. “Okay, Casino Tip number one,” she says, and Happy knows they’re in for a long lecture, “don’t even reference the fact that you’re a genius. Ever. That’s going to get you kicked out.”

Happy raises an eyebrow.

“Casino Tip number two,” Megan continues, “keep your phone charged. You never know when you’re going to need to fake a phone call or get out of an awkward situation.”

Happy exchanges a look with the two women Paige went to college with. Casey is laughing behind her hand, her blonde bob giving away her amusement, while Jess just stares at Megan like she’s never seen her before.

“Megan, can we get to the room first?” Paige pleads. “You made us bring so much stuff for two nights, it’s ridiculous.”

“You’re marrying my brother,” Megan says, sending a pointed look to Paige. “So who’s the ridiculous one now?”

“She has a point,” Happy says. She’s trying not to laugh.

“Oh, you shut up,” Paige says. “Come on.”

Their little group makes it through the casino, passing a handful of strangers who eye them like they don’t belong. They really are a motley crew – Megan on her crutches, Casey in a pair of old leggings and an Old Navy tank top, Happy in her leather jacket, Jess standing in a pair of sky-high heels, and Paige with an aura of confusion.

“We should probably get up to our room now,” Megan says excitedly. “We’ve each got little rooms in the suite, so if we find any,” she wiggles her eyebrows, “boys, we don’t have to interrupt anybody.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Like that’s going to happen.”

Megan grins as she steps into the elevator. “It might.”

~

FRIDAY – 1600

“You have to come with me!” Toby says, pouting at Sylvester. “Don’t make me go alone again.”

“You’re better when you go on your own,” Sylvester insists, grabbing his coat. “Besides, I’ve been here all day helping you edit that report of yours. I can’t believe you screwed up that many statistical curves.” He gives Toby a half grin.

“Hey, I wrote that thing during an all nighter. Before that, I’d been running on two hours of sleep. Forgive me for a couple of typos.”

Sylvester laughs. “You tried to say that the standard score of 85 correlated to a percentile ranking of twelve percent.”

Toby points at him. “We’re never mentioning that to anybody. It was a typo.”

“You were sleep deprived and caffeinated, and completely brainless,” Sylvester corrects. “I’ve got to go. Don’t mess up any more reports while I’m gone.”

“Your boss is an asshole,” Toby calls as Sylvester walks out the door.

“You introduced me to him,” Sylvester calls back.

Toby’s left alone in his tiny apartment with his cup of coffee and anticipation. He’s got forty dollars in his pocket, a whole weekend to himself, and the entirety of Las Vegas only a few hour’s drive away.

He packs some clothes and a little money in his bag, and throws his stuff in his Monte Carlo.

“Alright, Vegas,” he says, grinning. “Here I come.”

~

FRIDAY – 2000

Between Megan’s breaks, Casey’s two hour nap, and Jess and Happy’s insistence on room service for dinner, it takes them five hours to get ready and get back out to the casino.

Megan’s excited for the lounge because they’re showing FRIENDS reruns on the TV until the Britney Spears tribute comes on stage – “Guys, I think it’s 90’s night!” – and they join her until Jess and Happy suggest checking out the poker tables.

“I can’t gamble for the life of me,” Paige complains. “Seriously, the only person with a worse poker face than me is Happy.”

“Hey!”

Megan looks at her. “You know she’s right.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I’m good at cards. Poker faces aren’t going to have anything to do with it.”

“Yeah, okay, can we get out there?” Jess laughs. “I’m ready to win some money.”

They end up at the same table at first, but after a minute it’s clear they were getting stared at by some creepy guys at the table next to them.

“Do we leave?” Jess asks out of the corner of her mouth.

“Yeah,” Happy replies, standing, “yeah, we’re going.”

They end up going to two different tables, and Happy goes to the other side of the casino floor. She has a good feeling about the one in the corner.

When she sits down, just in time for dealing, she looks around at everyone sitting there. Happy makes eyes at the guy across the table. He’s got a cocky attitude and a stupid hat as he manspreads across the table, a vibe like he’s got no worries.

“How you doing?” he asks her when he catches her looking.

Happy doesn’t break eye contact. “Pretty good, knowing I’m going to kick your ass.”

He leans forward in his chair, that smirk simultaneously annoying and intriguing. “How are you so sure about that, sweetheart?”

Happy narrows her eyes. “Let’s see if you’re still calling me sweetheart when I take your money.”

He laughs, licking his lips. “I think I will be.”

She sits at the table, looking around for Jess. She’d been behind Happy just a second before.

“Where’d –” Happy looks around. “Hold on, I’ve got to go.”

“Oh, you scared?” And Happy looks back at that guy with the attitude, grinning at her like a challenge.

Slowly, Happy settles back down in her seat. “No,” Happy replies. “But you should be.”

It’s not long before Happy realizes this guy pulling the same moves as she is – counting cards, keeping a mental record of who reacts to which cards. But he seems to know everyone’s moves before she does, nodding just a half tilt whenever she makes a decision, like he expected everything.

“Let’s exchange names,” he says, and Happy can’t decide if his airy attitude is annoying or attractive. “I’m Toby.”

“Got a last name?” Happy asks. She’s look at her cards, keeping her eyes off of him.

He laughs. “Got to buy me a drink for that information.”

“We’re at a poker table,” Happy deadpans. “Drinks are free.”

They go back and forth, taking each other’s money, until the dealer gets annoyed with them and kicks them off to another game.

“You can’t do that!” Toby exclaims. “Way to kick a man when he’s finally getting some luck.”

“And I didn’t do anything,” Happy says, lying through her teeth.

With a glare and a point of her perfectly manicured finger, the dealer sends the two of them away from the table.

“Way to go, sweetheart,” Toby mumbles, “got us kicked out.”

Happy pauses. “Excuse me?”

He turns to her. “You have a single ounce of poker face in your body? Every time you looked at me you glared. It was so obvious we knew each other.”

Happy stares at him. “We don’t know each other,” she says slowly. She’s beginning to wonder if this guy is one she’s rejected in the past. But she recognizes every face she’s ever seen, and she’s never met this guy. She’s sure of it.

He shrugs. “Could have fooled me.”

Happy grabs his hat off of his head, standing on her tip toes to do so, and swats him with it. “You’re the one doing that stupid nod thing every time anybody did anything.”

“Any time you did anything,” he replies, and he doesn’t step back when she takes a step toward him. It’s like he’s not intimidated by her, not worried about where things are going next or if she’s going to lose it on him. Then again, her version of retaliation was to hit him with his own hat. She’s not exactly as angry as she’s trying to seem – in fact, she’s trying to pretend she’s not making up excuses to touch him.

Happy eyes him. “Why?”

“Because you’re good,” he replies, placing his hat back on his head. She finds herself wishing he hadn’t. “Too good. Like, good enough that, if you’d ever been here before, I would know you.”

“I’m here for a bachelorette party,” Happy explains. “Unfortunately, I’m a bridesmaid.”

He scoffs. “Didn’t take a leather jacket and that kind of push up bra for the bridesmaid type, but I like it.”

Happy raises her eyebrows.

“Oh, come on,” Toby defends. “Nobody wears a shirt like that to a casino and goes to a poker table without using those,” he gestures to her chest, “to distract other patrons.”

“I’d be mad about that, but you’re right,” Happy says. To prove her point, she folds her arms over her chest, deliberate with her placement. For the first time all night, she sees Toby’s cheeks blush, like she’s finally getting him off his game.

She likes it.

“So, uh,” he pauses, “you know my name. How about yours?”

Happy shrugs. “You’re going to have to buy me a drink for that information.”

Toby licks his lips. “You brought up that we’re at a casino – drinks are free.”

Happy takes another step toward him. “We’re not at a poker table anymore,” she says. She can’t keep her eyes from flickering from his eyes to his lips. “You’ve got to make a little bit of effort.”

She watches Toby’s eyes search her face. “I – I’ll make the effort.”

Happy laughs and walks away. “You’re going to have to do a bit better than that to get the name.”

“Challenge accepted,” Toby breathes. When he leans down to kiss her, she steps away. And he pouts. “What?”

“I just had an idea,” Happy says, grinning.

“Is it me kissing you?” Toby asks. “Because I had that idea, too.”

Happy shakes her head. “You want to make some money?”

Toby licks his lips. “Almost as much as I want to kiss you.”

“Would you focus?” Happy laughs. “You were counting cards. I was counting cards.” She looks at his lips again – god she wishes she could stop doing that. “Together we could win a bunch of money.”

He shrugs. “Not a bad idea, as long as you can improve that poker face.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “My poker face isn’t that bad.”

He sighs. “It really is.”

“Can we just go with my plan?” Happy asks. “Because we could make some serious money.”

“Will I get to kiss you after?” Toby asks, smiling at her. “Because I kind of want that more than the money.”

Happy chortles. “Yeah, okay. That line ever worked on you before?”

Toby grins at her. “Maybe.”

~

FRIDAY – 2330

“Do I get to kiss you now?” Toby asks, a little disheveled but beaming. They’d cleaned up pretty well, and, Happy has to admit, he taught her a lot about how to lose in just enough balance so nobody would suspect him. She had a blast, but she finds herself more excited for what’s happening after the gambling. “Because we both won about six hundred dollars, and that feels pretty good, and –”

Happy reaches up and grabs a handful of Toby’s shirt, planting a kiss on him. It’s as good as she’d imagined, maybe even better because of how the anticipation built and built, and she relishes the little whine in the back of Toby’s throat when she runs her tongue along the seam of his lips.

He’s incredibly gentle when he rests his hand on the side of her face, and Happy feels a spark in her belly that makes her want to continue this further. But she pulls away, because she thinks Megan and Paige might be worried about where she’s gone off to.

“Hey, uh,” Happy pulls away, feeling a bit breathless, “we’ve been doing this for hours, and I think my friends are going to be a little worried about where I’ve gotten to. I should – I should go.”

Toby nods, his eyes locked on her lips and, god, she just wants to kiss him again.

“Do I get your name first?” Toby asks. “Because – I still don’t know…” He trails off, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Happy,” she replies.

He blinks. “Glad to hear it?”

“No, that’s my name,” she explains. “My name’s Happy.”

“Your parents didn’t just go with ‘Joy’?” Toby asks.

She rolls her eyes. “If you think you’re the first one to make that crack, you’re dead wrong.”

He smiles. “So, after you check in with your friends…” Toby licks his lips again. “Can I give you a call?”

Happy takes her phone out. “I’ll call you,” she corrects. She presses one last kiss to Toby’s lips, one full of the promise of later that night that sends a heat curling in her stomach, and grins at him. “I’ll see you later.”

“See me?” he asks. His smile grows.

Happy nods. “Let’s hope.”

Nobody had even noticed Happy was gone, it turns out. They had spent the past four hours giggling in the lounge with drinks, while Megan flirted with every guy that walked by. She and Casey had started competing over who could get more people to buy them drinks, and Jess and Paige had just come back from playing slots.

“So, you guys didn’t even notice I was gone?” Happy asks.

“Oh, we noticed,” Paige replies. “But we were more focused on these drinks.” She grins from the rim of what Happy can only assume is not her first espresso martini.

“So, you guys are good if I,” she clears her throat, “go back to the room for the night?”

Paige, Casey, and Jess stare at her, while Megan breaks into a grin. “You found a dude, didn’t you?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Tell us all about it.”

“No.”

“You have to tell me something,” Paige says. “I’m the bride.”

Happy groans. “That’s ridiculous.”

Paige pouts. “Come on, Happy.”

“Okay,” Happy concedes, “well, together we earned over twelve hundred dollars in poker.”

Megan chokes on her drink. “What?! Can I have some?”

Happy tosses her a twenty. “Go nuts.”

Megan winks at her with a serious lack of subtlety. “You, too, hot stuff.”

When Happy gets to the room and dials her phone, heart racing, Toby picks up on the second ring. “Happy?”

“Yeah,” she replies. “You want to come over?”

He’s quiet for a minute. “What’s your hotel room number?” he asks.

Happy tells him. “I’ll see you in a few minutes?”

“Damn right.”


	3. Saturday - AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 of the Vegas adventures.

SATURDAY – 0000

She paces in her hotel room, jittery enough that she wishes she’d taken a couple of shots at the poker table to cool her nerves. She decides to go for brushing her teeth and grabbing some mouthwash, because that’ll give her a buzz. Not.

She begins to wonder if she misread the situation, if he wasn’t as into her as she was into him. But there was something about the way they looked at each other, something about those moments at the poker table. Happy’s pretty sure something’s there.

She’s just clicked the TV onto the news, convinced she’s not getting anyone coming to her hotel room, when there’s a knock at the door.

Happy’s heart races as she leaps to her feet. The excitement courses through her, and she checks the peep hole just in case. It’s him.

“Hi.”

He grins at her. “Hey, partner.”

“Partner?” Happy asks, letting him in. “Meaning?”

He shrugs. “We’ve made a bunch of money in the past couple of hours. Figure that makes us business partners.” He winks. “And maybe in other areas.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “You here to talk or…?”

There’s a moment of hesitation in Toby’s eyes, and then his lips break into a smile. “Should have known you were impatient.”

With an eye roll, Happy grabs Toby and shoves him against the wall, crashing her lips against his. He grabs at the shoulder of her jacket, pushing it off and throwing it to the floor as she goes for his belt. She’d be embarrassed by the desperate moan she lets out when Toby’s hands cup her breasts if she wasn’t so distracted by the way it feels. It’s been so long since she’s been so close to anybody, so long since she’s had a chance to screw around and touch somebody the way she wants. She presses up against his hands, biting his lip when he laughs at her.

“Jeez, a biter,” Toby says, lips dragging along her jawline, “should have seen that one coming.”

“You’re cuter when you don’t talk,” Happy snaps, pulling off Toby’s belt.

“Hold on,” Toby says, catching her hands in his.

Happy freezes, taking a step back. “What?”

“You’re drunk,” Toby says, “I – kissing was no problem, but I’m not going to – no.”

“You dumbass,” Happy says, grinning at him. “You think you’re the only one who was passing off a Sprite as a gin and tonic?”

Toby’s jaw drops. “You really are the perfect woman,” he says, and he sounds absurdly serious.

Happy doesn’t know what to say to that, so she leans in again and kisses him. With surprising strength, he reaches down, wraps his hands around Happy’s thighs and picks her up. It turns her on in a way she really doesn’t spend time thinking about, and instead of thinking she hooks her heels behind his back and kisses back with a fervor. They collapse on the old hotel room bed, hands all over each other.

“Is it weird that I’m turned on by the fact that you helped me card count and rip people off?” Toby asks, pulling his jacket off. Happy goes for his shirt next, pulling the stupid graphic tee shirt off over his head. “And is it weirder that it gets me off that you started off by destroying me at poker?”

“Not really,” Happy replies, running her hands along his surprisingly toned stomach. She has trouble tearing her eyes away from his skin. “Considering that we took home twelve hundred each and money is a great aphrodisiac.”

Toby laughs, leaning in and pressing his lips to her skin. He’s wildly talented with his fingers, stroking her skin under her silk shirt as he mutters things in her ear that make her want him inside her more badly than she’s ever wanted anything before.

“Why the hell are you hot?” Happy grumbles, pulling him on top of her. “That’s just not fucking fair.”

Toby laughs, sliding his hands up her shirt. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Shut up,” Happy says, grinning at him. “There are way better things you can do with your mouth.”

“Oh,” Toby says, his grin getting dirty and enticing, “you have no idea.”

He leans down and kisses her hard and deep, and now she’s desperate for him to make good on his innuendo. He moans as she nips at his lips, his hands grazing over her skin, leaving sparks of fire in their wake.

“By the way,” Happy adds, throwing her shirt off over her head. Toby lips immediately go for the curve of her breast, pressing light kisses along her skin. “It’s not weird that you get off on me destroying you at poker.”

Toby laughs, the motion sending waves through Happy’s body. “Good to know.”

“Yeah, most men like it when women overpower them.” Happy rolls them over, unhooking her bra as Toby’s hands go all over her. She can’t bite back the gasp as his thumbs roll over her nipples, and she grinds her hips against his.

“By the way,” Happy says, running her fingers through Toby’s hair, tugging just a little, “you look a lot better with that hat as far away as possible.” She leans down to kiss him.

“Good to know,” he mumbles against her lips. His hands go for her ass, sliding into the back pockets of her tight leather pants.

“Oh, that’s kid stuff,” Happy scoffs. She unbuttons her pants and shoves them down her hips, her panties coming down with them. “Stop making me wait.”

He kisses her again, hand sliding between her legs. The second he touches her, she lets out the most embarrassing whine. Happy pulls him closer, desperate to feel him against her.

“You’re dragging this out,” she mumbles, lips against his jawline. “Go faster.”

“I would if I could,” Toby replies, laughter in his voice, “but I just put my hand in glitter.”

“You what?” Happy asks, sitting up.

“Not that hand!” Toby replies. “No, you, uh, you’re glitter free.” She doesn’t miss the little half smirk on his lips. “No, I – I think you got glitter in your hair at one point.” He wiggles his hand at her, sparkling with metallic purple in the dim light. “See? Glitter.”

Happy relaxes. “For some reason that’s really comforting.” She reaches up and pulls Toby to her, and finally, finally, they don’t get any interruptions, glitter or otherwise. The last bits of their clothing go flying across the room, and Happy doesn’t care that she might have lost her bra behind the hotel television.

Toby’s surprisingly athletic, willing to pick her up and grab her. It’s incredibly refreshing – Toby’s more focused on drawing moans from Happy’s lips, on making Happy feel good, than anybody she’s been with before. He checks in with her, asking if she likes it, telling her to say what she wants, and Happy’s getting off on that almost as much as from the movements.

“Right there,” she manages as Toby thrusts into her. She feels it welling up inside her, something powerful and desperate and, fuck, she just wants him like this for hours. “Come on – don’t – don’t stop.”

“Kind of like it when you beg,” he growls, and that’s enough to send Happy over the edge. She grabs at his shoulders as he bites against her neck, and she hears herself moaning his name.

He comes soon after, hands gripping at Happy’s hips, and she’s pretty sure she’s never had it this good before. Then again, this might just be emphasized from her gambler’s high. She’ll never know.

Toby collapses on the other side of the bed, and Happy’s sort of pleased with herself when she gets a look at how wrecked Toby looks. Hazel eyes dazed, curls a mussed wreck, a sheen of sweat on his chest. She’s a little proud of herself.

~

SATURDAY – 0100

Toby can’t seem to take his eyes off of Happy. Her eyes are closed, her lips curved in a slight smile, a glimmer of sweat along her brow. Her hair is a mess around the pillows, and Toby gets a little smug when he thinks about how he’s the one who did that.

“Hey, what do you –”

“Stop,” Happy says, holding up a hand. “Don’t talk. Don’t ruin it.”

Toby laughs. “I was just –”

Happy looks over at him. “What did I just say?”

“But I –”

She puts her hand over his mouth. “Like I said. Cuter when you don’t talk.”

Toby licks her hand.

“Ew!” Happy says, pulling her hand away. “What are you, twelve?”

“Yes,” Toby says, grinning. “Now, I was thinking. I’ve got quite the endorphin high. That leads to confidence, which leads to great success at the tables.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “What do you say to going out there and starting a con job?”

Happy turns to him and it shifts the blanket just enough to expose the upper half of her torso. Toby can’t help it – he stares like a twelve year old getting access to the Playboy channel for the first time.

“Eyes up here, dumbass,” Happy says. She props herself up on her elbow. “What’s this about a con job?”

“The two of us,” Toby sits up, moving closer to her again, “are going to go to some of the other casinos around town, look a little naïve, and between the two of us we could clear out this place.”

Happy eyes him. “We kind of already did that, Toby.”

He scoffs. “Twelve hundred dollars in one casino is nothing,” he insists. “One night after a particularly fun romp in the sheets with a hot girl in a bridesmaid’s dress I won twenty grand.” He winks at her. “We could clean up all over town, the two of us together.”

Happy raises an eyebrow. “That sounds dangerous. Like, getting arrested for fraud, dangerous.”

“It sounds fun,” Toby corrects. “Right?”

Happy rolls over, and Toby doesn’t miss the fact that she doesn’t pull the sheet up to cover her. He tries not to stare, but he does a terrible job of it. “I never said dangerous wasn’t fun.”

He collapses back against the pillows. “Goddamn it, Happy, you’re going to kill me.”

“Better wait until after we win all our money,” she replies. “Don’t want to have to take it all for myself.”

Toby licks his lips as he glances over at her. “I’m pretty sure I know of a good trade.”

Happy laughs and shoves at his shoulder. “That’s just as good for me as it is for you.”

“Really?” Toby asks, lighting up. “That’s good to know.”

Happy groans. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

They brainstorm for a few minutes and, before Toby realizes, he’s falling asleep. And Happy’s not kicking him out.

~

SATURDAY – 0800

Happy wakes up to see Toby snoring in bed next to her, feeling surprisingly rested after not even seven hours of sleep. He’s lying flat on his stomach and has taken over a surprising amount of the bed, one hand hovering less than an inch away from Happy’s.

And then Happy realizes what time it is – and that, knowing wakes-up-at-seven-every-day Megan O’Brien, she’s probably going to barge in in the next couple of minutes.

“Wake up,” Happy says, shaking Toby’s shoulder. “Get your ass up, Toby.”

There’s a completely indecipherable grumble from Toby, until Happy hits him in the back with one of the pillows and he sits up.

“What’s going on?” Toby asks. Happy’s a little amused by the wild look in his eyes, but she has to focus on getting Toby out of here more than anything else.

“You need to leave,” Happy says, getting out of bed. She pulls on her flannel from the night before, buttoning it up just enough that it covers her chest. “Now.”

“Leave?” Toby asks. “What about our plan with taking over the town with our brilliant minds and your outstanding cleavage?”

Happy laughs. “Tonight,” she assures him. “I swear. Give me your number and –”

“Already done,” Toby says, wiggling her phone at her. “I’m under, ‘Sexy Love Machine.’”

She rolls her eyes. “Look, you need to head out before my friends get here. I don’t want them to be able to ID you if either of us get arrested.”

Toby grins. “We’re getting arrested? It sounds like tonight is going to be amazing.”

“It’ll only be amazing if you leave,” Happy insists. “Here, take your pants.”

She watches Toby get dressed and practically shoves him out of the hotel room after he quickly uses her shower.

“But my hair’s still wet!” Toby exclaims. “You don’t want me catching cold, do you?” The stupid little pout on his face makes Happy want to kick him and kiss him at the same time.

“Go,” Happy insists. “I’ll call you later.”

Like he did it before thinking, Toby leans in and kisses Happy on the cheek. “See you soon, babe.”

“Don’t call me babe!” Happy calls after him.

“Too late!”

He’s left just in time, it seems, because Megan pops her head out of the room next to Happy’s.

“There you are!” Megan says. She looks disturbingly intimidating on her crutches, an expression of annoyance boring into Happy. “Where have you been all morning?”

“All morning?” Happy asks. “It’s not even nine o’clock.”

She eyes Happy, studies her in that annoyingly Megan way of hers. “Oh, my god, you’ve been here all morning. You got laid.”

“I did not!” Happy lies, looking away from Megan.

“You so did!” Megan replies. “Oh, I cannot wait to tell Paige. You’re having more fun than any of the rest of us, and you were convinced you weren’t going to want to come.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Megan, shut up,” she says quietly. “You don’t need to be announcing my sex life to the entirety of Vegas.”

“You know, I kind of do,” Megan says, hitting Happy in the leg with a crutch. “Because you bailed on all of us, and if we hadn’t been so drunk we would have been upset.”

“Yeah, well, I gave you some of the six hundred I made,” Happy says. She pats her back pocket. “And there’s a damned good chance I’ll be making more before the day is over.”

Megan raises her eyebrow. “Come again for the kid?”

Happy grins at her. “He was my poker partner.”

Megan’s eyes widen. “Holy crap,” she says, grinning. “You’re a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, but hotter.” She leans heavily on her crutches. “You’re like Beyoncé and Jay-Z.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “You’re weird.”

“You are hanging out with us today, right?” Megan asks. “I mean, I know you’re about to go all crime seductress on us, but we get to spend some time with you for the bachelorette party.”

Happy nods. “I’m going to be with you guys until he calls.”

“Like a booty call?” Megan asks.

“Megan, shut it!” Happy repeats. “Look, what are we doing today?”

“We were thinking pool,” Megan shrugs, “maybe get some lunch at the hotel restaurant, hanging out. Nothing big.”

“And tonight,” Happy adds. “Are you still doing that surprise for Paige?”

Megan nods. “Gonna be great. Tonight at seven.” She winks. “Maybe we can hire your little dalliance to join us in our love shack.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Never say dalliance again.”

“I won’t say it again if you don’t bang him again, can you promise that?” Megan raises an eyebrow, and Happy can’t quite meet her eyes. “Oh, you can’t promise that.” She practically cackles. “You’re a little bit smitten, aren’t you?”

“Go lose another twenty bucks, Megan,” Happy says, taking Megan’s arm.

Megan looks incredibly pleased with herself. “I knew you’d get laid today. You always get laid when we do something like this.”

“Don’t be gross, Megan,” Happy says, rolling her eyes.

“I’m going to be gross as much as I damned well please,” Megan replies. “Being gross is one of my many pleasures in life.”

“Yeah, like that time you got drunk on bad beer, got picked up by the police, and had to spend the night in a jail cell?” Happy asks.

Megan nods. “That’s one of my grossest and greatest moments, and I hold it dear to my heart.” She smacks Happy’s ass with one of her crutches. “Now get showered and get dressed. We have a breakfast to go to.”

“Will there be mimosas?” Happy asks.

Megan scoffs. “Please. When have we not done breakfast with mimosas?”

~

SATURDAY – 1000

“I’m telling you, man,” Toby says, kicking back the front seat of his car. “She was perfect. She was counting cards faster than I was, looked like a freakin’ goddess. The girl is perfect.”

“You’d said that four times already,” Sylvester laughs. “You coming home tonight?”

“Tonight?” Toby asks. “Hell no. I have plans with her.”

“Like, going out to dinner plans, or getting naked in the back seat of your car plans?”

Toby sort of wants to hit him, but that’s hard from across a state. “Like, going to make a stupid amount of money, spend time with a beautiful girl, and possibly sleep in a comped hotel tonight. If you want to keep making fun of me, I’m not buying you that new laptop for Christmas.”

There’s brief silence on the other line. “Have a good time.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Sly laughs. “Have a good time. I’ve got to go – my boss is going to be yelling at me for being on the phone if I keep this up for much longer.”

“What else did you expect, working for him?” Toby asks. “This is why I quit last year.”

“And then came back, and then quit last month,” Sly scoffs. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, buddy,” Toby replies, trying to keep himself from being overly exuberant, “See you soon.”


	4. Saturday - PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of alcohol, strippers, glitter, and stupid jokes in this chapter. Just a heads up.

SATURDAY – 1900

“Happy, get in here!” Paige exclaims.

Happy, a little zoned out by the three shots of tequila Megan insisted on, because, “I can’t get hammered, Happy! You have to take my shots for me!”, blinks.

“Hmm?” Happy asks. She keeps playing with her hair. There’s stupid curl that won’t hold, right near her ear, and she gives up and pins it up.

“I need you to zip up my dress,” Paige says.

Happy turns to see Paige trying to grab at her back. “You really do need me to zip up your dress,” she laughs. “Here, let me fix.”

“The little twist is unlike you,” Paige says. “It’s cute. Fancy, compared to your normal bedhead vibe.”

Happy resists the urge to throw the curling iron at Paige, and instead hits her with a jacket.

“It was a compliment!” Paige replies. “Jeez, the way you treat a bride.”

“You’re not my bride,” Happy mutters.

Happy zips the dress and the two of them walk to the lobby, where Megan, Casey, and Jess are chattering away in sky high heels and tight clothes.

“Should I be wearing a dress or something?” Happy asks, looking down at her dark jeans.

Paige considers it. “Doubt it. You look good enough not to need them.”

“Oh, she’s going to go off and get naked with her mystery man,” Megan explains. “Doesn’t matter what she wears.”

“Hey!”

“Am I wrong?”

Happy wants to fight Megan on this, but, honestly, she will lose. If Happy sees Toby again, she’ll have to resist the urge to jump him in front of everybody.

“No,” Happy says. “But we have some – plans.”

Paige raises an eyebrow. “Plans?” she asks. “During my bachelorette party? Without me?”

“The plans involve messing with the casinos and making a stupid amount of money,” Happy says, “and if you want that nice mixer you put on your wedding registry, you’ll let me do it.”

Megan giggles and claps. “A heist!” she exclaims.

“A con,” Jess corrects. When they all stare at her, she shrugs. “What? I had a side job in college.”

“Leaving that for a day with less tequila and more time,” Paige says. “Let’s get to our first stop.” She checks her watch. “We’ve got to go to at least two places before Happy bails on us.”

“Not bailing!” she exclaims. “It’s helping.”

“Yeah,” Megan scoffs, “like you getting laid is helping anybody but you.”

~

SATURDAY – 2200

“So that first club sucked,” Paige says. “Let’s hope this one is better.” She pushes the door open.

And Happy’s jaw drops. “There’s a lot of glitter in here.” It’s the only think she can think of to say – and the most striking part of the club.

“There is a lot of glitter,” Megan confirms. “Go. Play. Go play in the glitter.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “I’m going to need a drink if this is going to happen.” She gets to the bar and orders a round of tequila shots, because her buzz is starting to wear off in the time it’s taken to walk to this dumb club. The rest of them follow as they chat aimlessly, and they each take the shot after toasting to Paige and Walter.

They dance together for half dozen songs, feeling the music vibrate through their bodies like a second pulse, and, when Megan has to pull away to take a rest, the rest of them follow her.

“This place is much better,” Paige insists. “And it’s right on top of a casino, for Happy!”

“This entire place is a casino,” Happy corrects. “There’s just, you know. The grinding part of it and the gambling part of it.”

Megan rolls her eyes. “You’re being too smart. Get another drink.”

“Gladly.”

Happy grabs a Long Island Ice Tea, mainly because she’s got a story about Walter that makes her laugh involving them, and sucks it down while watching gorgeous girls and sculpted guys dance in rainfalls of glitter. She keeps having to brush it off of her clothes – she’s covered in the stuff.

Happy’s pretending she’s not looking for anybody, but she keeps scanning the place, eyes all over everyone in front of her.

And that’s when she sees him. She can’t fight the impulse to lick her lips, eyes locked on the way Toby leans against the bar across the dance floor. He notices her and his eyes meet hers. A rush of heat licks her body, and she knows it’s not just the alcohol.

“Hey, uh, guys,” Happy says, unable to look away from him, “guys?”

“Are you going to tell me you’re going back to the hotel or that you’re going to find that guy you nailed last night and make a bunch of money?” Megan asks.

Happy blindly aims to hit poke her in the side. “Take a wild guess.”

And the laughter makes Happy turn to the group of them. Megan is half falling off of her crutches, clutching Paige’s side, while Paige’s shoulders shake.

“You’ve been staring at what must be the hottest person on the planet, because you’ve been spacing out for at least a minute now,” Paige says. “You going to bail on us again?”

Happy puts her drink down. “Will you still be mad if I win you enough money to pay for that wedding cake your mom made you get?”

Paige stares at her. “Yeah, like you can win fifteen hundred in a night.”

“Is that a bet?”

Paige shrugs. “Will you actually pay off my wedding cake?”

“Either way, you’re winning,” Happy replies. “And if I don’t win, I’ll,” she thinks about it. “I’ll buy you a cake.”

“My wedding cake?” Paige asks.

Happy rolls her eyes. “Fine. But I’ll have enough to pay for that cake, the mixer, and then some.” She grins at them. “I’ll see you guys later.”

She feels eyes on her as she walks in the direction Toby was standing, but she can’t find him anymore. The throng of people grew thicker while she was talking to her friends, and she’s beginning to wonder if he’s disappeared.

And that’s when she feels a hand on her hip, and someone’s muttering in her ear, “Long time no see.”

She laughs and turns. “So, you know that, uh, card counting job you suggested last night?”

He nods.

“You still want to do it?”

She watches as a smile slowly blooms on his lips. “Of course.”

She steps away from him and takes his hand. “Come on. They’ve got cards downstairs. You at poker, me at Blackjack.” She winks. “Ready to win some money?”

He just grins.

~

SATURDAY – 2300

Toby takes a good look at the other people at the poker table. There’s a guy risking it all, tan line where his wedding ring used to be. A woman, styled and prim with an attitude that she’s got enough money that she can lose some. Two guys, clearly friends, who are here for the free drinks and not the money.

And then there’s him.

He’s pulled six grand already from another table, and he can tell Happy’s doing well by the way she shuffles from table to table. Her strategy is different than his – she takes a little from each table, inconspicuous and brilliant and quiet, while he makes a lot of noise and a lot of money in one place.

But he’s getting dirty looks from the dealer, so he can figure it’s about time for him to go.

“And I’ll be taking this,” Toby says, gleefully taking the betting slip. Another three grand in his pocket. Between the two of them they’re going to make a stupid amount of money just in this casino. He feels a strange swell in his heart when she shoots him that grin of hers.

“Hey,” she says, meeting him by the Margaritaville store they’ve chosen as their meetup place. “Next place?” she shrugs. “After, you know, we cash this one in.”

They take care of the money and Toby gets a little thrill when he puts the wad of cash in his pocket. There’s something seductive about holding a lot of money, or maybe it’s just the way Happy’s looking at him.

“Let’s go a couple doors down,” Happy suggests. “Don’t want anybody getting any ideas about us.”

Toby nods and takes her hand without thinking about it.

“What are you doing?” she asks, voice unsteady.

He pulls his hand away. “I – no, sorry. What? Nothing.”

Her face breaks into a little smile. “Oh, you like me.”

“Shut up,” Toby says, and winces when he hears how much he sounds like a seventh grader.

“You so like me,” she laughs, and it sounds like the way sunshine feels on the first spring day. Goddamn, is Toby smitten.

“So what?” Toby replies. “You like me!”

“I like the fact that we’re making a stupid amount of money together,” Happy corrects.

Toby turns on the pout and just looks at her, waiting for her to break under the gaze of his big hazel eyes. It’s his superpower.

Instead, he gets an eyeroll from her. “Oh, don’t be a dumbass. Of course I like you.” She smacks his ass. “You’re hot, good in bed, and almost as smart as I am.”

“Almost?!” Toby exclaims. She starts walking away, and he follows her. “Not almost.”

“Definitely almost,” Happy replies. They walk toward the other casino, one across the street and down a few doors.

“Oh, you want to bet?” Toby asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Whoever makes more is smarter.”

“Easy,” Happy scoffs. “You’re going down, dude.”

“Well, hopefully later tonight.” He winks at her, and gets an amused eye roll in return.

“We’ll see about that.”

~

SATURDAY – 2300

“Twelve thousand!” Happy exclaims, throwing down the wad of money in front of him. “I so win.”

“You do not,” Toby says. He looks up at Gloria, the stripper who the casino had invited over to them. He’s not complaining and, to his interest, neither is Happy. They’re relaxing in a back room with keys to a comped room in their pockets. “I got twenty grand.”

“You did not!” Happy argues. “That’s not possible. They would have kicked us out by now!”

Toby shrugs. “Nobody actually knows we’re in cahoots.”

Gloria laughs. “I’m sorry, but did you just say cahoots?”

“Yes, and please don’t repeat it, because I don’t want to get in trouble,” Toby says.

“Course not,” Gloria says. “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” She winks.

Toby grins up at her. “I will give you my hat in great thanks,” he says. He pulls his hat off and settles it on Gloria’s head. “There. And now you should give me some of your glitter.”

Happy laughs at him. “What is with you and glitter?”

“I like the shiny!” he exclaims, and starts laughing at how stupid he sounds. “And look who’s talking. That club we met up at was raining glitter. Like, actually falling from the ceiling.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”

“Okay, you two love birds,” Gloria says. “Cool down or you’re going to get us all in trouble. How long have you been together?”

Toby goes to respond, but then Gloria is giving him a lap dance while somebody else is putting another gin and tonic in his hand, and all thoughts have left the building.

“We’re not,” Happy replies. “We only met yesterday.”

Gloria raises her eyebrows. “Really? I would have guessed a couple years, at least.”

Toby raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“I mean, you’re looking at her while I’m giving you a lap dance,” Gloria says, shrugging. “Guys don’t usually do that. Especially when they’re not dating the girl.”

“See?” Happy says, gesturing toward them. “Even this girl knows you like me.”

“You guys would be cute together,” Gloria says. She checks the clock. “But I’ve got a private party in a couple of minutes – sorry to kick you out.”

Toby waves her off. “No problem. We appreciate your time.”

Gloria laughs like she’s never heard anything like it, and Toby doesn’t really care. He’s drunk and happy and covered in glitter, and he definitely likes the girl who’s nearly beaten him at his own game.

“You guys have a good night, okay?” She winks at them. “Make some fun mistakes.”

Before they can leave, Happy throws down a hundred dollar bill, and Toby has to one-up her by dropping down two hundred.

“Show off,” Happy mutters. But this time she takes his hand. “Hey, do you think that girl was right?”

“Hmm?” Toby asks. He’s distracted by how nice and soft her hand is in his.

“That we’d be cute together.”

He shrugs. “I mean, I’m cute. You’re cute. All I can see is this going well.”

She’s quiet for a moment, and Toby thinks he can hear the wheels turning in her head. “Think we should get married?” Happy says.

At first, Toby thinks he misheard because of adrenaline coursing through his veins. And then he understands what she said.

Toby chokes on his gin and tonic. “What?”

“We’re good together,” Happy says, “and imagine how good it’ll be when we can get a joint bank account to put all this money in.” She sighs. “Think of the investments.”

Toby laughs, his eyes on her lips. He finds himself fiddling with his class ring. “Is it bad that I’m considering it?” he asks.

Happy shakes her head. “C’mon,” she says, voice low and dirty and, fuck, why shouldn’t they do this? “You know this would be fun. Do something stupid for once.”

“I do all the stupid things,” Toby replies, settling his hands on her waist. “I bet my last hundred on a hundred to one shot once and lost it all.”

“Yeah,” Happy says, her hands running up his chest, “but then we ended up here, and this more than made up for it, yeah?”

Toby leans in and kisses her, the heat of her body mixing with his, and all he wants is to take her back to their comped hotel.

But not before they do something first.

“Let’s do it,” Toby says, stepping away from her. “Let’s – we’re doing this.”

Happy lights up. “Seriously?”

He kisses her, because he’s never done something so impulsive and serious before, and she makes him want to do it. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. Or maybe it’s both. “Oh, hell yes.”

Toby’s not sure how they manage to get the marriage license so quickly, let alone why somebody lets them do it when they’re this drunk. But maybe their bright eyes and wandering hands are more indicative of how into her he is, and maybe he’s doing this not just because he’s drunk and stupid.

The chapel is run by an Elvis impersonator, somebody who looks like one of the dancers who got their glitter all over Happy’s ass at the club they met up at (not that Toby’s complaining), and an older lady who looks more suited for a knitting club than a Vegas chapel.

Happy looks great in a ridiculous neon pink veil and her skin tight black jeans. A purple tank top, edged in lace with black detailing, doesn’t exactly match the picture of a bride, but he doesn’t match the picture of a groom, and he thinks that makes it work.

They’re at the altar, laughter overriding any nerves he might be having, when he hears the minister, who is most definitely Elvis, finish his rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love and begin the vows.

“Happy Quinn,” Elvis says, “do you take Toby Curtis to be your lawfully wedding husband?”

“Why the fuck not?” she laughs. He likes the way she smiles – unburdened, unfailing. This is worth it.

“And do you, Toby Curtis, take Happy Quinn to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

He nods. “Yeah, definitely,” he says. “Wait! We need – I have a ring.” He pulls the Harvard class ring off of his finger, showing it to Happy. “See? I’m serious about this.”

“You damned well better be,” she says, and, maybe it’s just his imagination, but he thinks there’s something genuine and innocent behind her eyes, some sort of excitement.

He slides the ring onto her finger. “There,” he says, “all set.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Elvis says. “Viva Las Vegas!”

Toby pulls Happy into his arms and dips her, kissing her with as much drama and grace as he can manage with this much vodka running through his head. She laughs against his lips, holding him close until he stands them up.

“So, we’re married,” he says with a grin. “Got an idea of what to do next?”

Happy grabs his hand and throws the bouquet of paper roses into the empty pews. “You bet your ass.”

They get back to their comped room and start toasting to their marriage with all the baby bottles of tequila in the mini fridge.

“You gonna change your name?” Toby jokes, shaking his head at the burn of the alcohol. “Happy Curtis is cute.”

“I’m always cute,” she replies.

He laughs. “I was talking about your name.”

“I was talking about my ass,” Happy says pointedly, gesturing to him with her third tequila bottle. “But my name’s pretty cute too.” She stares at him. “Where’d your hat go?”

Toby reaches up, pats the top of his head, and realizes. “Oh. Shit. I gave it to Gloria, didn’t I.”

Happy nods. “Right, yeah,” she says, speaking slowly and thickly through the aura of tequila. “And that’s also why you’re cover in glitter.”

Toby looks down. “Oh,” he muses, “that’s why you’re covered in glitter, too.”

Happy shrugs. “It’s bound to happen.” She steps toward him again, and Toby doesn’t wait for her to pull him close this time. He closes the small space between them and breathes her in, swallowing a moan from deep in her throat as he slides his tongue into her mouth. She tastes like tequila and questions, of what they might be. She holds him tightly and pulls him down onto the bed.

And then begins to yawn.

“Oh, no, don’t do that,” Toby says, “yawning is contagious and I –” and that’s when he starts yawning. “Oh, damn.”

“No, come back, we gotta – we gotta consummate this shit,” Happy laughs, but before she can say anything else, she yawns again. “Maybe we gotta nap first.”

“Just a little nap,” Toby insists. “Like a tiny nap, and then we get to roll in the hay as husband and wife.”

Happy laughs and then snorts. “That’s a stupid phrase. We’re nowhere near hay.”

“Hay is for horses, sometimes for cows,” Toby mumbles. But the tequila and the wee hours of the morning are taking their toll on him, and he finds his eyes closing. “Gotta get this glitter bomb away.” He pulls off his shirt, but opens his eyes when he hears Happy yelp.

“You hit me in the face with your glitter,” Happy complains. Before Toby can apologize, she winds up with a pillow in her hand and hits him directly in the face. “Some husband you are, butt face.”

Toby falls back and closes his eyes. “You’re the butt face, butt face.”

“Real mature,” Happy mumbles. Toby’s pleasantly surprised when she pillows her head on his chest. “Butt face.”


	5. Sunday to Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then the secret is out.

SUNDAY – 0900

Happy turns to Toby, watching as the glitter glints off his face. She really did do a number with the glitter. Or he did. She’s not certain. “So,” she says, “we’re married.”

Toby nods. “I think between the two of us we’ve said that thirty times in the past hour.” He pulls the covers over himself.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Happy asks. She’s trying to pretend she’s not laughing.

“Well, the two of us both earned this comped room,” Toby replies, turning to her. “Figure we might as well make the most of it.”

Happy raises an eyebrow. “Kind of looks like we did.”

“Did not,” Toby says. “We were too drunk to do anything but make out and pass out.”

Happy shrugs. “You’ve got that right.” She fights a smile.

“Well,” Toby says, and he pats the bed next to him, “we could fix that bit.”

Happy flops down on the bed. “I’m doing the pass out thing again, just for the record.”

“I’m going to pretend I’m not disappointed,” he sighs.

“We’ll do the fun bit later on, I promise,” Happy says, patting Toby on the cheek. “Your wife just needs to go back to sleep.”

Toby grins. “You’re my wife,” he giggles. “I’m your husband.”

“Okay, now you’ve ruined it,” Happy sighs.

The two of them close their eyes, nearly asleep, and it’s then that there’s a massive knock on the door, loud enough to make Happy startle.

“What the…?”

“Happy whatever your middle name is Quinn!” she hears from the other side of the door. “You open this unreasonably fancy door this minute or I will break it down!”

Toby blinks. “Why does that voice sound familiar?”

“It doesn’t,” Happy groans. “That’s one of my friends. Hold on a second, Megan!”

“Megan?” Toby asks, speaking slowly. He blinks. “Wait?”

“You got that hot dude in there again? Did you get laid? Make a stupid amount of money again?” She bashes on the door for a few more insistent knocks. “You owe Paige a cake if you did, you know.”

“Give me one second,” Happy yells back. “Stop being annoying.”

“Wait, Happy,” Toby says. “I think –”

Happy throws open the door, and Megan walks in.

And then promptly shrieks.

“What the hell was that, Meg?” Happy asks.

“You!” Megan says, pointing at Toby. “You! You’re the hot guy Happy’s been banging?!” Megan whirls to point at Happy. “The hot guy you’ve been banging is Walter’s college roommate?!”

Happy’s jaw drops. “Excuse me?”

“Wait, you’re here – you’re here for Paige’s bachelorette party?” Toby asks in disbelief. “The wedding’s not until next week.”

“Duh,” Megan says. “You never do a drinking party the night before you do a big ass event. That’s stupid.”

Toby rubs the back of his neck. “In that case I should probably tell Sly to change the date of Walter’s bachelor party.”

Happy stares at him. “Excuse me?”

Megan nods toward him. “Remember that groomsman who couldn’t make it to the meet-the-wedding-party dinner because he was stuck at some psychiatrists’ meeting?”

Happy looks back and forth between Megan and Toby. “No fucking way,” she says slowly.

“You’re the bridesmaid who Megan told me was so hot you’d upstage me?” Toby asks. Happy has to admit she looks a little entertained about how baffled he looks.

“Really?” Happy asks. “I’m that hot?”

Megan nods. “Oh yeah. Though, when you clean up that street rat,” she points to Toby with her crutch, “he actually looks pretty good.”

Toby grins. “Thanks, Meggie.”

“Don’t call me Meggie,” Megan insists. “That stopped being cute when you hit your twenties, and you know it.” She sighs. “He’s always had a crush on me.”

“Have not!” Toby argues, and that’s when he and Megan start throwing things at each other.

“Okay!” Happy says, catching the water bottle with her left hand. “Chill, guys.”

The expression on Megan’s face, though, makes chill seem like an understatement. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Happy and Toby say at the same time.

Megan sits down on the bed hard. “That,” Megan says, pointing to Happy’s hand. “That’s Toby’s Harvard ring.”

Happy winces. “Oh, crap,” she says. “Look, Megan –”

“You didn’t,” she says, voice entire horror. “Oh, no way.”

Toby moves so he can sit next to her. “So, don’t tell Paige, but, yes. We got married. Last night.”

“I’m sure it would have been a phenomenal ceremony if we hadn’t been covered in glittered and married by Elvis,” Happy deadpans. “We would have invited you if there had been some sort of plan.”

“Holy shit,” Megan says, breaking into a smile. “Paige is going to lose her mind when she finds out the two of you got married before she and Walter did.” She giggles. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

“For you, maybe,” Toby mutters. “Paige is already mad at me for missing that dinner. Now I’m going to have to explain to her that I married her bridesmaid and got a better room than she did on her bachelorette party weekend.”

The phone starts ringing.

“That’s mine,” Megan says. “Probably. Unless either of you are way into Coldplay.”

“Nobody but you loves Coldplay like you love Coldplay,” Happy laughs.

“Right?” Toby replies. “It’s like, can you play Viva la Vida more?”

Megan groans. “Oh, come on, now you’re making fun of me?” She answers the phone. “Hi, yeah, Paige. What’s up?” Her eyes widen. “What? Oh, no, don’t – don’t follow me. That’s – that’s a very – how did you figure out where I am?” She winces. “Probably shouldn’t have left that on the table, huh.” She winces again, mouthing “Sorry!” to Happy and Toby. “Yep, see you soon. Okay then. Have a good day.” She hangs up. “Yeah, Paige is on her way.”

“How did you even find us?” Happy asks.

“You left me a message last night telling me to meet you here,” Megan explains. “Telling me you had some big news.” They all look down to the ring on Happy’s finger. “Clearly, you weren’t exaggerating. I didn’t get the message until this morning. Wrote it down – which was a mistake, it seems.”

They sit there in silence for a couple of minutes until Toby says, “So, Paige is about to walk in here and kill us.” He turns to Happy. “It was lovely being married to you. I’m sorry we’re about to die before we have any fun.”

Happy sighs. “Likewise.”

~

SUNDAY – 1100

“What do you mean, you got married?!” Paige exclaims. “How did you two even meet?”

“Casino,” Happy and Toby say at the same time. Toby tries to hold back a laugh.

Paige groans. “Are you going to, you know, end the marriage?”

“Well, eventually,” Happy says. Toby’s surprisingly disappointed. “Probably. But it’s a lot to do right now, with your wedding and everything.” She looks up at Toby. “Figure we’ll take care of it afterwards, right?”

Toby nods. “Yeah, no rush. Plus,” he grins at Happy. “We have fun together, right?”

He regrets the comment when he gets a look at Happy’s expression. “We’ve known each other for fewer than forty-eight hours.”

“And they were a fun forty-eight hours, if what Happy said is true,” Megan says with a wink.

Toby turns to Happy, amused by the look of befuddlement on her face. “Oh, really?” he asks.

“Shut up,” Happy mutters.

“What exactly did she say?” Toby asks, folding his arms across his chest. “Were you talking about my amazing talent at the tables, or my stellar ability in bed?”

“Stop talking,” Happy begs, dropping her head into her hands.

The whole group of them determines that they won’t say anything to Walter until it’s vital, because that heart attack isn’t something they need to worry about before the wedding. He’s stressed out enough as it is.

“And the last thing I want to do is tell Walter there’s an easier way to get married than an actual wedding,” Paige adds.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Megan says. “We’ve seen how he reacts to surprise.”

They all nod, and the awkward silence begins to envelop them. Toby’s about to make some excuse before Happy speaks first.

“Well, we need to clean this place before we have to check out,” Happy says, looking around. “This place looks like a bomb hit it.”

Toby scoffs. “Yeah. A glitter bomb called our marriage.”

“I can’t believe there’s not a single exaggeration in that sentence,” Paige grumbles, shaking her head. “Come on, Megan, we’ve got to go pack and,” she exhales, “– and get rid of this hangover.”

“You’re hungover?” Happy asks. “You look fine.”

“That’s because being hungover is about as difficult as putting up with you guys,” she sighs. “Though, I do have a question.” A little smile appears on her face. “You win my wedding cake or not?”

“Oh, easily,” Toby says, throwing an arm around Happy’s shoulder. “She made twelve grand.”

“This is a little close around other people, don’t you think?” Happy asks. Toby immediately removes his arm. “Not bad close,” she mutters. “Just. Weird.”

“That’s a charming way to refer to your husband,” Megan says.

“Okay, weren’t you supposed to leave?” Happy asks. “Go pack. Drink coffee.”

“You go pack and drink coffee,” Megan fires back at her, “and wash that glitter out of your hair. You look like a stripper.”

“I do not!” Happy argues.

“Hey, that’s my wife you’re talking about,” Toby says. He giggles – he couldn’t resist.

Paige groans. “Oh, god, are you going to be like this at the wedding?”

Happy shrugs. “I can’t promise anything.”

~

ONE WEEK LATER – SUNDAY – 1500

“What do you mean, you’re not getting divorced?!” Paige exclaims. “You got married in Vegas. Nobody stays married who gets married in Vegas!”

“We did,” Toby says. “Exception that proves the rule?”

Paige groans. “Any reason why?”

Happy shrugs. “He’s good in bed and easy to annoy.”

“And she’s got a better apartment than I do,” Toby adds. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get divorced after that.”

“So you’re taking this as, what, the same seriousness as a promise ring?” Paige asks. One of the curls in her updo is dangerously close to falling out. Happy eyes it – she doesn’t want that to become another issue for her to freak out about. “God, you guys are weird.”

“It’s just – I hate paperwork,” Toby groans. “Honestly? There’s so many forms to fill out, and that’s really time consuming.”

“Plus,” Happy chirps, “tax breaks.”

“You guys are weird,” Paige grumbles. “Go get yourselves ready before I explode.”

Happy and Toby part ways, and Happy makes it to the bridesmaid’s room just in time to help Megan zip up her dress.

“This thing is ugly,” Megan grumbles. “If she wasn’t about to be my sister in law, I would refuse to wear it.”

“Well, walking down the aisle naked would be pretty damned weird, so I guess we’re shit out of luck on that end,” Happy sighs.

Megan giggles.

“What?” Happy asks, resigned.

“Bet your hubby would like to see you walking naked down that aisle.” She winks. And then stares. “Wait, you weren’t naked when you got married, were you?”

“No!” Happy exclaims. “Oh, god, Megan, really?”

“Just wanted to clear it up.”

There’s a little bit of flustering as hair gets stuck in dresses and mascara smudges, but after an hour and a half they’re all ready to line up to go in the procession down the aisle.

“Damn,” Toby says, looking Happy up and down. “You looked better in your wedding getup than you do in this monstrosity. And your wedding dress was pants.”

Happy rolls her eyes. “Is that really a way to talk to your wife?”

Toby shrugs. “How should I know? We haven’t even known each other for more than two weeks.”

“Ah, the foundation of a strong relationship,” Megan sighs, popping up behind them. “Romance wrapped in snark.”

“Jeez, are you ever more than three feet away from us?” Happy asks. “It’s like you’re a second tier to this relationship.”

Megan shrugs. “If it wasn’t for my insistence on that bachelorette party, you never would have met.” She drops her crutches and throws her arms around Happy’s and Toby’s shoulders. “I’m responsible for this whole deal.”

Sylvester walks in and puts Megan’s crutches back in front of her. “Megan, we’re about to walk down the aisle, and you should probably not lean on these two weirdoes since they go before us.” He looks pointedly at Happy and Toby. “Lovebirds.”

“Oh, fine,” Megan says. “You never let me do anything fun.”

“Hey, do you want a real ring?” Toby asks as Walter walks away.

Walter turns to them. “What?”

“Oh, crap,” Happy says. She pulls off the ring and hides it in her hand. He hadn’t noticed the entire day up until now.

“Did you lose the rings?!” Walter asks. “Oh, come on, please don’t tell me –”

“I wasn’t talking about your rings,” Toby clarifies. “Calm down.”

Walter narrows his eyes. “Then whose ring?”

“Can we talk about this after the wedding?” Happy asks. “Or one day when you’re really, really drunk?”

Walter sighs. “As long as you don’t ruin the wedding, whatever. This day has to be perfect for Paige.” At the cue, he walks to his space at the altar.

“Just barely missed that one,” Toby mutters in Happy’s ear.

“Yeah,” Happy quietly chuckles. “We’ll have to deal with it a few hours from now.”

“Or days,” Toby adds. “We could wait until after the honeymoon.”

“That’s a good idea,” Happy says. “That way it could be our own kind of honeymoon.”

Toby looks down at her. “Yeah?”

She shrugs. “Why the hell not?”

“I feel like that’s going to be your answer to every serious question about us,” Toby sighs.

Happy shrugs, taking his arm when he offers it. “You’re in for a wild ride, Toby. Just you wait.”

He laughs, and they begin walking at their cue. “Looking forward to it.”


	6. Epilogue - One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes impulse is a good thing.

Out of the corner of her eye, Happy watches Paige walk back into the workspace from the bathroom and then collapse directly on the couch.

There’s a pause before – “You doing okay?” Happy asks.

Paige rolls her eyes. “Morning sickness my ass,” she grumbles. “I’m sick all day.”

“But you’re having a baby!” Toby says with a weird little grin. “How exciting is that?”

Paige ignores him and sits on the couch, a hand on her belly. “Damn demon genius spawn.”

“What a way to speak about your husband,” Happy says, shaking her head.

Paige stares at her. “Yesterday you called your husband a ‘big dumb baby’ because he knocked over your water bottle.”

Happy shrugs. “He’s a big dumb baby sometimes.”

Toby stares. “Why do we work together again?”

“Because being a mechanic wasn’t paying the bills and we both have a friend who was willing to give us a job,” Happy replies. “Speaking of which, where is our esteemed boss?”

“He’s talking to that Homeland guy,” Paige explains, waving her question off. “Apparently they might have some jobs for us in the government.”

“That mean a steady paycheck?” Toby asks, perking up. “I do love a steady paycheck.”

“No idea,” Paige replies. “Not getting my hopes up. What are the odds Walter’ll be able to charm a fed?”

“I think we underestimate our boss,” Toby laughs, leaning back in his chair. “He charmed you, didn’t he?”

“Charmed her enough to knock her up,” Happy mutters. She turns when she hears Toby sputter. “Did you just choke on your seltzer?”

“I’m so glad I married you on a whim,” he sighs, beaming at her.

Happy shrugs. “Wasn’t the worst impulse decision after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This cracky, silly fic was so fun to write. I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you for reading.


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